I wrote a note to my grandma, apologizing for leaving quickly after the conclusion of the awards. I have always thought she was a cold person, and have never been close to her. This confirms my suspicion that she knows nothing about me or my situation, and may not even care. Following is my e-mail to her and her response to me.
My e-mail to her:
Subject: Thank You
Body:
Hi Grandma,
Thank you so much for having a place for me and Steve at the Crystal Heart Awards. I have always enjoyed going to the awards, and this year was the best so far. Steve and I were impressed by several of the trailers and hope to see the movies at some point. I wanted to mention that I'm sorry I left quickly at the conclusion of the awards. I was a little surprised by my dad's choice in seating arrangements, and felt too upset to stay and talk with everyone. Normally, that's the part I like best, seeing people I don't normally get to see. I was sorry to miss out on that.
The evening was so lovely, and is always so heartwarming. Film has been an important part of my life, and I think it is important to honor movies that uplift and give hope. I'm glad you're a part of the festival and have helped make it a big part of Indianapolis culture.
Love,
Lauren
Her Response:
Subject: RE: Thank You
Body:
You shouldn't be upset with your Dad on seating arrangements.....those were mine. I made the assumption that since you had clicked with all the gals this summer, that you would enjoy being at a table with them and that gave me a chance to put two celebrities at their table.....which I like to do for Heartland as a member of their Govenor's Board. There were no politics in that seating arrangement that didn't come from me and those were with good intentions! It was an "all granddaughter arrangement" in my mind, and since you saw family all the time, and Idonna wasn't always your favorite, that it was a good idea. I sat away from my husband to be a better hostess to friends......it wasn't about me or you......it was about enjoying the tickets and the evening.
And a second e-mail:
Guess I should clarify that your Dad did not purchase a table.....we bought 4 tables at $200 a head and I had the task of arranging the seating and trying to also fulfill my obligations as a Board of Governor's person to have donated seats for celebrities at each table. I made those choices. That was 40 people to consider.
And Grandmotherly advice ahead: ......a lesson I learned in life was that when you are in a group setting you should develop a "group setting mind-set" which uses the universal rule......"what would it be like if everyone in the group did a particular behavior".....if it doesn't pass muster, then you adopt what would be O.K. for all if everyone did it. We have traveled with large groups numerous times and seems there is always one or two that cannot think beyond the end of their own noses, and don't show up on time, or demand special "circumstances", etc. They always "tell on themselves" and quickly are spotted. I always feel for the persons in charge of herding the group to and from the various buses, planes, etc. as those few dominate to the disadvantage of the big picture. And I feel the saddest for the ones that cannot seem to be part of a group......as know the rest of their lives must also be more problematic than needs be. Life is tough enough on it's own, so I try to make my thoughts and actions leave room for the benefit of the doubt, and take the high road. Over a life span, it makes a BIG difference! Don't "find" problems.......enough of them will find you all on their own.
When the kids were little and we would all go on vacations together.....I watched a transformation happen! All of us were of the mind-set that "I was on MY vacation and everything should center about how I want to spend MY vacation". (myself included). Well....we learned that 6 people cannot think that way because it was not-fun for anyone....as 6 people with their noses out of joint were not compatible. So....we had discussions about developing the group mind-set when it is indeed a group.......and we ALL had a better time.
Guess you know we love you, love you, love you.......as does your Dad. And no.....I am not sharing these things with your Dad.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
Daughter of the Century
Two nights ago, I went to a fancy event along with much of my extended family. It was great to see a lot of the people there, especially my female cousins to whom I've grown closer as we've grown up. I was underdressed and consequently feeling a little on edge, but trying to feel sexy-nerdy and put on a happy face to those who force me to do so.
As it is every time I see my dad with his new family, I had to brace myself and pretend that I'm okay when his new daughter walks in on holding his arm like I did for so many years at the same event. That I'm okay with the new dresses and shoes he bought for her and her mother, when I'm underdressed because I didn't want to spend $300 for a new gown. That I don't resent him for giving her a $30,000 Nissan Xterra for her first car, when I paid $1,000 for a Ford Tempo owned by my mother's parents, and for probably planning on giving her brother a $30,000 BMW when he turns 16 (well, it will be five years old...you guys wouldn't want that, anyway). That I think it's great that he's only known these people for two years and has spent a million dollars making a better house for them - to impress them. That he bought his girlfriend a $2,000 Chanel purse and a who-knows-how-many-thousand-dollar ring that she wore on her wedding ring finger until it became too conspicuous, and he makes me feel bad when I ask to borrow a piece of sheet music or a DVD. That he sees them every day, and won't even answer his goddamn phone when I or my brothers call him. That he goes on vacation with them and hides it or lies about it. That last year, when I agreed to go on vacation with him and his new family because my brothers also agreed to do so, he ignored me most of the time, and when we went to the movies, I saw a movie alone because I didn't want to watch fucking Cheaper by the Dozen II. That he blames me for the fact that our relationship suffered after he divorced my mom. That he lies to me constantly. That he thinks he's a better person than me because he says he believes certain things that I think are ridiculous.
He called me a month before this event to tell me I'd be sitting with my cousins, since I'd enjoyed spending time with them lately. I said that that was great, that I'd be happy to sit with them, thinking he meant maybe there were only six seats at his table. The reality was that he chose my brothers (and their significant others), along with his girlfriend and her children, to sit at his table, and that because of that, there was no room for me. What is humiliating is not that it was very obvious that I should have been at his table, but that he lied to me about the reason for it so that if I ever said anything, he could tell me that I sounded appreciative when he told me about it on the phone. He could ask me where I thought he should have put his girlfriend's children and I couldn't say, "What the fuck do I care?" or "Why the fuck are you bringing them?" But what the fuck do I care and why the fuck did he bring them?
As it is every time I see my dad with his new family, I had to brace myself and pretend that I'm okay when his new daughter walks in on holding his arm like I did for so many years at the same event. That I'm okay with the new dresses and shoes he bought for her and her mother, when I'm underdressed because I didn't want to spend $300 for a new gown. That I don't resent him for giving her a $30,000 Nissan Xterra for her first car, when I paid $1,000 for a Ford Tempo owned by my mother's parents, and for probably planning on giving her brother a $30,000 BMW when he turns 16 (well, it will be five years old...you guys wouldn't want that, anyway). That I think it's great that he's only known these people for two years and has spent a million dollars making a better house for them - to impress them. That he bought his girlfriend a $2,000 Chanel purse and a who-knows-how-many-thousand-dollar ring that she wore on her wedding ring finger until it became too conspicuous, and he makes me feel bad when I ask to borrow a piece of sheet music or a DVD. That he sees them every day, and won't even answer his goddamn phone when I or my brothers call him. That he goes on vacation with them and hides it or lies about it. That last year, when I agreed to go on vacation with him and his new family because my brothers also agreed to do so, he ignored me most of the time, and when we went to the movies, I saw a movie alone because I didn't want to watch fucking Cheaper by the Dozen II. That he blames me for the fact that our relationship suffered after he divorced my mom. That he lies to me constantly. That he thinks he's a better person than me because he says he believes certain things that I think are ridiculous.
He called me a month before this event to tell me I'd be sitting with my cousins, since I'd enjoyed spending time with them lately. I said that that was great, that I'd be happy to sit with them, thinking he meant maybe there were only six seats at his table. The reality was that he chose my brothers (and their significant others), along with his girlfriend and her children, to sit at his table, and that because of that, there was no room for me. What is humiliating is not that it was very obvious that I should have been at his table, but that he lied to me about the reason for it so that if I ever said anything, he could tell me that I sounded appreciative when he told me about it on the phone. He could ask me where I thought he should have put his girlfriend's children and I couldn't say, "What the fuck do I care?" or "Why the fuck are you bringing them?" But what the fuck do I care and why the fuck did he bring them?
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