Slowing Human Progress

“South Park” isn’t known widely for its wisdom or insight, even if fans know that it is often a source of both. My boyfriend’s parents’ heads would literally explode upon seeing an episode like this past year’s Christmas special, which featured cheerful woodland critters having a blood orgy in anticipation of the birth of their savior, the Anti-Christ.

But one of the most enlightening episodes of any TV show I’ve ever watched came during a season six episode entitled “Biggest Douche in the Universe.” In the episode the boys go to a taping of the show “Crossing Over,” which features John Edward talking to dead people. (In case you’re unaware, this is a real show that people actually watch, and this guy writes books that actually people buy.) One of the boys, Stan, doesn’t buy Edward’s act, and soon takes a trip to make Edward admit he’s a phony.

Stan arrives at Edward’s house, and while he waits for Edward to meet him, he checks out the bookshelves which contain books on cold reading, the technique that all “psychics” use to dupe people. Stan confronts Edward, who comes down his stairs to a taped recording of a cheering audience, repeatedly calling him “a liar, a fake, and a douche.” Later, Edward tries to defend his behavior, saying, “Everything I tell people is positive and gives them hope. How does that make me a douche?” Stan replies, “Because the big questions in life are tough. ‘Why are we here?’ ‘Where are we from?’ ‘Where are we going?’ But if people believe in asshole, douchey liars like you, we're never going to find the real answers to those questions. You aren't just lying, you're slowing down the progress of all mankind, you douche.”

Stan proceeds to study up on cold reading to show Kyle that anyone can do it, which soon backfires when others witness his newfound “powers.” Kyle clearly and slowly explains that what he’s about to do is a trick, but the onlookers are dumbfounded by his psychic abilities. Stan and John Edward end up in a showdown on “Crossing Over” which is finally interrupted by aliens crashing in and taking John Edward to the intergalactic Biggest Douche in the Universe contest, which he wins.

But in addition to douchey liars like John Edward, I believe all religions are guilty of slowing human progress. (This is not to imply that I think people who believe in God are douchey liars.) No matter how good (or evil) my intentions, choosing and promoting the answers given by religion would literally slow the progress of all humankind. If I stop asking the big questions and decide instead to have faith* in a belief system claiming to have those answers, I stop my part of collective human progress, even if my own contribution is infinitesimally small; if everyone stops their part, then progress slows drastically. Non-theists and theists alike can choose to be apathetic in their intellectual and spiritual pursuits, but the religious theist’s pursuits, even at their best, are hampered by the fact that they have already accepted the (wrong) answers.


*Dictionary.com: Faith
Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. See Synonyms at belief. See Synonyms at trust.
Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance: keeping faith with one's supporters.
often Faith Christianity. The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will.
The body of dogma of a religion: the Muslim faith.
A set of principles or beliefs.
*Hebrews 11:1 – “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.”