Dear Mr. Spencer

Seeing you and some of my other favorite teachers always brings back some of my best memories of being at Covenant. It is absolutely a different place now than it was when I was there; it reminds me more of the second four years I spent in Christian education than the first. I was troubled by your implication at the auction that I had separated myself from you and others at Covenant after graduation when from my perspective, the responsibility – if there is any – lies on both sides. Because of my current beliefs (or lack of particular beliefs), I am not an exemplary Covenant graduate and I have saddened many of the teachers, including yourself. Rather than be faced with that dismay in me and my choices, I choose to focus on the good parts of my life, since I realize that no matter what my academic or personal achievements, I will continue to be a disappointment to some.

[As a side note I would like to say that your comment about my parents' divorce being "not unexpected" is completely contradictory to my own experience of it. When we were told, it had never occurred to me that my parents were having trouble in their relationship. Not once. I was shocked and devastated, and am still reeling from the blow.]

I am aware of the "frustration" my family members have expressed regarding my search for truth. There has been a noticeable difference in how a few family members treat me since the time I decided to be honest about my beliefs. (It may go without saying, but the difference is not for the better.)

As I see it, there are very important questions that we as 21st-century people all think about at some point: Where did we come from? Why are we here? Where are we going? An important purpose of our lives is to try to answer these questions. It has been very clear to me for the past five years that religion, especially Christianity, does not answer these questions in a satisfactory way. Their answers are, at best, grossly incomplete, inaccurate and contradictory.

Taking Kierkegaard's leap of faith - that is, choosing to believe and knowing that it is not rational – is, for me, the only valid option that could lead to being a Christian, and the reasons to choose such an option are not acceptable to me at this point in my life (specifically, to placate my family or anyone else or to pacify or bolster myself with beliefs I know are false). My goal is to continue to seek truth and to urge others to do the same, unfettered by guilt or fear.

I will become a professor of literature and teach my students to rationally examine what they hold to be true, just as the teachers at Covenant and Taylor say they do. The deceit of Christian education lies in telling students that they are developing their own point of view and learning how to think for themselves, while also teaching them that there is actually only one right thing to think and that they deserve eternal suffering if they do not continue to hold the beliefs they are taught about Christianity.

I will read your book. I have always enjoyed your straightforward way of putting things and have tried to be similarly candid in this e-mail. While I wouldn't write this way to everyone, I know that you are open to dialogue and that it is useless to sugarcoat things I know will not be to your liking. I will continue to search for truth, but am certain (as much as certainty is possible) after eight years of thorough Christian education and training that Christianity is not true.


Sent today.